The Great Immunator

Khairy Jamaluddin’s the man with the beard. And now, he’s the man with the plan – the vaccination plan.

That’s right, PM dearest Muhyiddin “just gotta go Indonesia” Yassin has officially appointed Kay “look out, pothole!” Jay as the minister in charge of coordinating the nationwide Covid-19 inoculation plan.

This means the science and tech minister’s gotta ensure the most extensive ever vaccination programme in Malaysian history – estimated to cover over 80% or 26.5 million of the population – gets carried out. In short, our potentially lifesaving jabs will now be the responsibility of Mat Janggut.

At this point, we don’t envy Khairy and wonder if he’s being kept awake at night by the thought that at his feet will fall the blame should things go to shit? Heavy is the head on which lies the crown, after all…

The move makes sense, though, seeing as how KJ is overseeing the procurement of coronavirus vaccines for the country.

Also, you may be wondering why Vaccination Minister KJ in today’s Kita Semua Penghasut art looks upset… well we asked Fahmi the same thing. The answer: “Cos he’s probably wondering why he’s gotta do the Health Ministry’s (MOH) job?” Funny guy la, this Fahmi.

The official answer, according to PM Moo, is that this will free up MOH to focus on treating the growing number of Covid cases. But we gotta wonder if deep down, Muhyiddin had qualms about leaving the logistics and coordination of the inoculation programme to the health minister. After all, would YOU trust our Menteri Air Suam (warm water minister)?

KJ or no KJ, our great vaccination plan’s set to begin soon with the first batch of Pfizer vaccines touching down here earlier than initially expected, followed by vaccines produced by other countries. Apart from the German-American Pfizer product, we have the Russian, Chinese and British–Swedish variants. Truly a United Colors of Benetton approach to medicine! (Btw, we detailed the vaccines and our rollout plan in our newsletter yesterday. You can also subscribe to our daily newsletter here.)

Anyhoo, KJ The Great Immunator’s gotta coordinate the vaccine rollout in three phases, beginning with frontliners (Feb/March – Apr 2021), high-risk groups such as the elderly and those with illnesses (Apr -Aug 2021) and the rest of us adults (May 2021 to Feb 2022). No kids though!

Of course, we have some questions. How will they identify the people of the different groups? How will they trace and get in touch with them? What of migrants workers and other vulnerable communities?

But one other teeny weeny thing is also playing on our minds – when exactly will politicos get slotted in? Moo c̶o̶n̶v̶e̶n̶i̶e̶n̶t̶l̶y̶ left this out in his comms, but remember, it’s already said Muhyiddin would be among the first to get his shot at immunity, being our glorious leader and all.

But before we cry “foul!” and “oi potong queue!”, other countries have also vaccinated their gomen officials and elected reps first. Some say this is needed to build public trust for the vaccines and ensure the country keeps running, but is this fair? Will politicians’ wives and families also magically get to the front of the line – you know, kinda like how the PM’s wife managed to tag along on his u̶n̶n̶e̶c̶e̶s̶s̶a̶r̶y̶ trip to Jakarta this week? We dunno.

All we know is, we can’t wait for our shot. Of course, even then, don’t expect things to go back to pre-Covid norms just yet – some studies say it could literally take years for life to return to normal (if we’re lucky, we say)! So, it looks like we gotta mind our SOPs, keep our distance, wash our hands and hunker down. Cos winter ain’t coming anymore. It’s already here.