Umno & Bersatu: Love Story Or Friends With Benefits?

Well, well. The year has indeed begun with a crap tonne of political drama, hasn’t it?

If the Perikatan National coalition can be likened to the human body, then surely Umno is its asshole rumbling belly, gurgling into action every time it starts to get hungry for attention, power or influence.

And if we’re holding to that analogy, then the gastric juices must have been flowing recently.

The target of Umno’s ire, as it’s been for months, is PM Moo Yassin’s Bersatu. It looks like it’s really starting to piss Umno off to be the doggie that’s being wagged by the Barsatu tail.

But what exactly is the United Malays National Organisation so peeved about? Everything, it seems!

From more gomen positions, to more power and – get this! – anger over the “cruel” corruption cases against their leaders (though there was a sorta semi backtrack on that one), Umno’s demands seem endless – and ludicrous.

But the long and short of it is that the Perikatan gomen is once again on the rocks. In a ‘must see it to believe it’ twist, Umno is now making cow eyes at Anwar Ibrahim’s PKR, and Lim Guan Eng’s DAP (allegedly! allegedly!). Could Mat Sabu’s Amanah be getting in on any of this lovin’?

Will the backdoor government come to an end through Umno’s backdoor shenanigans with Mr Strong, Formidable and Convincing?

And caught amidst all this is “poor” PAS. Our brothers from the theocratic side of the political fence must surely be asking if God has it in for them, considering how they now seem to be like the single child caught in its parents’ nasty divorce. It looks like both Bersatu and Umno are counting on PAS for support, so at some point, our little green men will have to actually pick a side.

And there you have it, folks. Will the ill-fated lovers ever reunite? Will the kid caught in the middle pay the price of its parents split? Will the temptress wiggling her hips at our dashing hero steal him away from his one true love?

Stay tuned for the next edition of the ongoing Malaysian political soap opera. After all, with rumours rife that another MCO is on the horizon, it’s not that we’ll be having much else to do anyway.